Name:
Location: United States

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Out of sight, but not out of mind.

As some of you undoubtedly know, my longtime friend, Dr. Jeff Cory, has gone on a medical mission to Cambodia. Of course he is doing important work, but I can't help being disappointed. While he is gone, I will have to maintain a certain proper seclusion. I will not be able to go to the "Bum Boat," nor will I be able to socialize with anyone of the male persuasion, unless he is married and accompanied by his wife. This may sound like a very rigid sort of rule to all you young ladies out there, but I assure you that it is very important to guard your good reputation. You do not want to be known as the widow who lunches with just any man who moves into the Charterstone Condominium Complex, no matter how exalted its residents invariably are.

So, I will be spending a lot of time secluded in my garden, tending my flowers and constantly picturing Jeff's face in my mind.

Jeff did ask me to accompany him on his trip. Naturally, I had to decline. A childless widow living alone on a modest pension has a lot of responsibilities "on the home front." Also, I was concerned about how it would appear for me to be seen traveling in an exotic foreign country with my longtime escort. I do not want Jeff to get the wrong idea about the kind of girl I am. Remember ladies, the only safe sex is the kind you have after a man puts on...a wedding ring.

I am a little concerned, though. Jeff said that he would be back in three months, but only if things went well. But what if things do not go well? Who will I have my wholesome nightcaps of cocoa with then? Best not to dwell on the negative, I suppose.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Elly Patterson said...

Mary Worth! I admire your ability to "embrace" this "blogging" technology like this. Whenever I so much as try to use my computer, I swear I fry something and need to call in my surly teenager April or one of her techie friends.

Anyway, I think you made the right decision about staying behind and choosing to seclude yourself. One's reputation, as you always say, is priceless.

Elly Patterson

2:23 PM  
Blogger Mary Worth said...

It is very important to me to be able to keep up with all the modern ways. After all, I can reach more people with my Blog than I can by just talking to people at Charterstone pool parties.

I always admired your bookstore. It was quite a landmark. It is a shame what that new owner has done to it, what with that "adult section" in the back. All those "art books" with filthy pictures. It's disgusting.

Anyway, welcome to my blog.

Yours truly, Mary

2:28 PM  
Anonymous Dennie Worth said...

A childless widow? Grandma, it's me, your crippled grandson. Why do you keep on ignoring me? Why don't you sell apples anymore?

Love,
Dennie

3:17 PM  
Anonymous Elly Patterson said...

What a relief it is to see that someone agrees with me about that filth Moira Kinney has added to that bookstore! Sadly she has disregarded my input on this matter.

Now Dennie, a parent or grandparent can't be expected to remember their children or grandchildren all the time! I forget about my teenage daughter April at least 50% of the time, and she still lives in my house!

Elly Patterson

4:07 PM  
Blogger Mary Worth said...

Actually, Elly, I never had any children. At least not in this incarnation. But you know, my friend Toby has all sorts of interesting views, and she believes in reincarnation. Maybe in a past life, I had children and sold apples, and this is the person poor crippled Dennie is remembering.

Dennie, please feel free to come to any of the garden tea parties we regularly hold at Charterstone at your convenience. I will need a new partner for the three-legged race, now that my friend Jeff is out of the country. Maybe you will be so good as to oblige me?

Tell me Dennie, how are you doing these days? Where are you living? Do you have a special lady friend?

Yours truly, Mary Worth

5:22 PM  
Anonymous dennie worth said...

Grandma Mary,

I am still in bed, no special lady, and still crippled. Nothing has changed since you left me or got a new incarnation, whatever you want to call it.

Dennie

11:55 PM  
Blogger Mary Worth said...

Dennie,

I must say that I am very dismayed by your report. You must know that the best way to maintain one's health is physical activity. If you are not active, you will never recover. If you do not believe me, ask my neighbors, Lou and Kelly Stirling, who were falling into decripitude and morbid obesity before they wisely embarked upon an exercise and diet plan together.

Also, I fear your recovery has been hampered by your obviously negative and bitter attitude. Blaming me for "abandoning" you won't help you regain the use of your legs, now will it?

After doing some research on the Interweb, I have discovered that you are likely mistaken about your relationship to me. The online "people finder" I consulted, Mr. Wikipedia, told me that you have probably confused me with "Apple Mary" Worth. Apparently, because I appeared in town right after she disappeared, and we have the same name, everyone just assumed we were the same person--but we're not. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but your grandmother is dead. I know this is harsh news after almost 70 years of waiting and wondering, but it is best for you if you accept it and move on. Remember, going through the stages of grief is a waste of time. You should get out and enjoy life.

Yours truly, Mary Worth

12:19 AM  
Anonymous dennie worth said...

Grandma,

::Sob:::

Dennie

7:34 AM  
Blogger lizpet said...

Mary,
I see your predicament and hope you'll take my "woman-to-woman" advice. One must be careful with unrequited lust of this nature, especially when dealing with such a virile testoterone-filled young suitor. In short, your whole demeanor is too passive and welcoming for your outfits which are screaming "Jezebel!" I think that is why Mr. Kelrast cannot get the "hints" you are giving him. I noted you wore the mauve pantsuit with jaunty cravat on more than one occasion - an outfit for a strumpet, if you ask me. What red-blooded male can resist your sensible polyester pants with contrasting poly jacket?
I think what you need is a burka. You know, like they wear in the Middle East. You can't help your that inner harlot comes through. So you must cover it up. It's the only way. Then you'll be free to philosophize about the banality of life in sweet solitude. I have already whipped up a burka for you on my Singer. Let's have coffee and some cinnamon cake and you can pick it up.

Signed,
A female "friend" at Charterstone
(who is NOT jealous of all the attention you are getting from the only single man around here who doesn't look like Wilford Brimley)

9:09 PM  
Anonymous Greenjeans said...

Mary,

I think I should warn you that Aldo Kelrast may not be as charming as he appears. Handsome he might be, but based on my previous experience with his type, I feel safe in saying that he's no Tom Terrific!

If he walks up to you, jingling a ring of keys, be assured that he wishes to open more than just your door. And by all means, avoid his entreaties to reach into one of his deep pockets. He may tell you that what you would find within is merely a carrot for a bespectacled rabbit he knows, but I have fallen for this trick more than once over the years, and now find it impossible to look at a carrot without a twinge of nausea.

If he begins talking about the virtues of large Canadian fauna he has met roadside during his travels, run like heck! Yes, he's probably been there, and once you've been there, there's no coming back.

Perhaps I am misjudging the man based upon your description of him and his actions, but I get a very uncomfortable feeling reading your account. Please take care, Mary. And tip the Charterstone gardener well next time you see him: he's probably a kindly soul who only has your best interests at heart, and who enjoys smelling your tuna casserole as he prunes the thorn tree.

An Anonymous Friend

1:43 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home