Location: United States

Thursday, August 03, 2006

A bow tie and a smile.

When I returned to Charterstone with my groceries, I was startled to see Aldo Kelrast near my car. I am afraid I let out a most unladylike shout. After all, it is very abnormal to see a resident of Charterstone in the Charterstone parking lot, isn't it? Maybe not. But I was distracted by thoughts of my special apple cake.

Mr. Kelrast offered to help me carry my groceries. Of course I refused. Just because Jeff is in a foreign country does not mean I am going to let some other man put his hands all over my groceries. I am not that kind of woman! So I insisted on carrying them myself, even though I must admit, it was a struggle. My special apple cake takes a lot of ingredients.

Then Mr. Kelrast puzzled me by saying it was "my turn." He looked almost sinister, in his bow-tied Robert Keeshan sort of way, as he said it. I asked him what he meant. He said that since he sent me flowers, it was my turn to do something nice for him. I rather unkindly asked him if he was joking, and he assured me that he was. "A little levity never hurt anyone!" he said.

I don't know about that. It sounds like a very decadent philosophy of life.

I will tell you all the rest of our conversation tomorrow. I am very tired. I had to hold those heavy bags of groceries all by myself during my lengthy conversation with Mr. Kelrast in the parking lot. I wish Jeff had been here, so he might have helped me carry my groceries. Maybe I should have let Mr. Kelrast help me. But a lady cannot have two knights in shining armor at one time! Or can she?

Excuse me, I have to go change out of my sensible pantsuit now. My conservatively-cut underpants are uncomfortably damp.

By the way, Professor Cameron, I do not think it is a very nice thing to do, spreading the vicious slander about "Kelrast" being an anagram for "stalker." Mr. Kelrast is understandably taken by my beauty. That's all. But I am sure he understands there can never be anything between us. Oh no, that's not what I mean to say at all. That makes it sound like there will be nothing between us, not even clothes, as we writhe sweaty and naked in his bed, moaning in ecstasy.

Now I really must go change.


Anonymous dennie worth said...


Your special apple cake was always my favorite. It used to cut into your apple-selling profits to make it, so I knew it was a special occasion whenever you did. Just the thought of it, while I am lying in my bed, crippled as always, fills my heart with joy.

Thanks for the fond memories,

10:40 PM  
Blogger Mary Worth said...


I made an extra special apple cake and sent it to the nursing home just for you. I have instructed the nurses to give you a piece every time you take a lap around the hallways. Your inactivity is deeply troubling to me. Regular walking is essential to health. I want you to start making an effort toward your physical therapy. It is very sad for a young man to waste away like this.

Yours truly, Mary Worth

4:51 AM  
Anonymous dennie worth said...


Your apples are the best. Just as good as during the Great Depression.

Your grandson,

11:48 AM  
Anonymous a concerned neighbor said...

Dear Mary,

I think its time to take a step back and kick Aldo in his capt. kangaroos. Probablly the only way he'll get the hint!

1:04 PM  
Blogger James J. Matthews said...

Not only is Kelrast an anagram for "stalker," "Aldo" is an anagram for "load." Hmmmm...

3:36 PM  

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