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Wednesday, August 30, 2006

A fugitive from lust!

I can feel my willpower beginning to fade. I will soon be powerless to resist Aldo Kelrast's considerable manly charms. Every day when I put on my snappy hospital volunteer outfit, with its fashionable surgical green short-sleeved jacket and its yellow-and-black striped "bumblebee" knit blouse, I imagine how seeing a woman in uniform must inflame Aldo's desire. I fantasize about him rending these garments from my body, throwing me down on the perfectly manicured front lawn of the Charterstone Condominium Complex, and entering me with one powerful thrust!

I dread going home. I tell people that I don't know what to expect, but I do. I can expect Aldo to greet me at the door with his insistent advances toward me. I say his attention isn't flattering anymore--that it's something else entirely. And it is! It's beyond flattering--it's bewitching! I am falling under Aldo's wicked, wanton spell!

When he meets me in the parking lot, just the scent of him sets me aquiver--a potent combination of Old Spice and cured meats. The scent of Wild Turkey on his breath makes me long to taste his whiskey-flavored tongue in my mouth.

I owe Toby an apology. I lashed out at her the other day because I am really angry with myself! A respectable widow should have more self-control! I should be thinking of my devoted, loyal, chaste companion Jeff, who is pure and noble and good! Yes! I must turn my thoughts from unbridled sexual ecstasy and focus upon the more virtuous joys in life--the smile of a child who has been cured of illness, the delight of those on whom I bestow my apple cake and wisdom, and the respect I have earned as "the first lady of Charterstone." Yes, that will help me get through this trial!

7 Comments:

Anonymous Victoria "toby" cameron said...

Yes, Mary, please do everything in your power to keep your thoughts and actions pure. Remember how much Jeff means to you, and don't be led astray by Aldo's relative youth and apparent vigor.

I must also warn you that your fantasies of Aldo's prowess may not be realistic. Like Aldo, my own beloved Ian is a bit.....shall we say "portly"?

Our more intimate moments are sometimes not as idyllic as one might hope. When he assumes the superior position in our lovemaking, I sometimes find myself struggling to draw air into my lungs.

And, should I try to assume the uppermost posture, it's much like trying to achieve ecstasy while riding atop a well-greased boogie board. And although I presume to know nothing of Aldo's general health, many times men who carry extra poundage find that the bounce is gone from their bungee, if you get my drift.

By all means stick to your guns, Mary. You have done too much to earn the respect of the community to risk losing it all to this mustachioed ne'er-do-well.

6:04 PM  
Anonymous Rita Begler said...

I say go for a threesome. You, Jeff, and Aldo. I remember my beloved Dawn loved threesomes...but now she's gone!! (sobs)

6:46 PM  
Anonymous Victoria "Toby" Cameron said...

Rita, Rita. Has your rehab all been for naught? Please don't attempt to foist your self-destructive tendencies on those of us who are still welcome at Charterstone.

7:18 PM  
Anonymous Rita Begler said...

Hey you dumb WASP, I got as much right to live at Charterstone as you do! I just couldn't pay the rent. People loved me, I tells ya. An' dont use your college vocab on me? Talk like a regular person!

8:00 PM  
Blogger Mary Worth said...

Dear Toby,

I am relieved that you seem to have forgiven me for my cruel and thoughtless remarks from the other day. I forgot that a woman like you is usually full of useful advice about the most delicate topic there is--the physical union between a man and a woman.

Naturally, I can see where you and the learned Professor might have, shall we say, logistical problems in the boudoir. But I am dismayed to hear you compare my Aldo's physique with that of your Professor. The Professor is all blubber! My Aldo's bulk is largely muscle!

This, of course, has never been a concern with my dear friend Jeff. He is a gentleman. He understands that our relationship must stop at cocoa and a handshake until we are married, if we actually choose to ever marry. Which I probably won't, as marriage might get in the way of my responsibilities as a candy striper and local oracle.

But Aldo--he knows nothing of social convention! Of propriety! He throws caution to the wind and declares his desire to "do [me] doggy-style!" And frankly, I am beginning to think that I will give in and let him!

Speaking of rear-entry positions, what do you think of them generally?

Augh! I must get myself under control! Think pure thoughts! Think pure thoughts! Smiling Cambodian children! Rescuing poor naifs from their ill-considered life choices! Blackballing prospective Charterstone residents who can't tell the difference between the fish and the salad forks!

Yes, that's helping.

Sincerely yours, Mary Worth

P.S.--Toby, I would still like to know your thoughts about you-know-what. Just for future reference. In case I ever have to counsel some sex addicts. Yes, that's it. Sex addicts.

8:29 PM  
Anonymous aldo kelrast said...

Beloved Mary,

I know you are a proper woman. A woman who obviously knows how to play the mating game. But there comes a time when a man hits his limit. A time when a man has to stand up for himself and say, "It's time to move to the next level. No more playing hard-to-get."

Some men would be afraid to expose their feelings so openly to a woman. Faced with a challenging woman, they shrink away and hide. Such man is not Aldo Kelrast. I am not afraid to show you everything I have. Sweet Mary, the pleasures of Aldo are waiting for you. I think you have the spirit to ride the Aldo pony, and once you ride Aldo, you never want to get off...except on Aldo, of course.

Ready for the hard loving,
Aldo Kelrast

8:35 PM  
Anonymous Victoria "Toby" cameron said...

Mary, I am honored to be asked for my advice. That a woman as wise and caring as you should be coming to me is truly humbling.

While I am mainly traditional in my lovemaking, I must admit that certain rear-entry positions are rewarding. First and foremost, I must caution you that God has designed women with one oriface for receiving and one for shipping. If I were inclined to mar my creamy, white, supple derriere with tattooing, I would have one reading "exit only" above the hindermost opening. We ladies must set our limits.

That having been said, Ian and I are particularly fond of "playing leapfrog" and "drilling for oil", two positions that allow both of us to achieve satisfaction (and an excellent cardio workout). As an added bonus, it allows me to keep my luxurious, flowing, golden hair unmussed.

These rear entry postures also provide a perfect opportunity for an invigorating spanking. You have no idea how charming it is to have Ian tell me that I've been "a naughty, naughty girl!"

But I must caution you, Mary, that such things are only to be considered in a loving, intimate relationship - much like the one that you and Jeff share.

I remain very suspicious of Mr. Kelrast and his protestations of love and admiration for you. Trust me, Aldo has only come to the party for the goody bag!

12:17 PM  

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