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Friday, September 01, 2006

Laying a trap for an unwary suitor.

I told you all the other day that I was inviting Aldo into my apartment to have a rational, sane conversation about the situation between us that is quickly becoming rather heated.

I was not being entirely honest about what I have planned for Aldo once we are inside my apartment.

I'm not going to reveal what my plan is, but it might just be the plan that Toby was alluding to last weekend. She isn't quite as dumb as she looks.

I can only hope things proceed according to plan.

9 Comments:

Anonymous dennie worth said...

Grandmother,

I love your secret plans. I remember during W.W. II, when you had the secret plan which was instrumental in helping to uncover a Nazi plot, while at the same time that you ran a boom-town hotel where you helped several people straighten out their lives. Aldo doesn't stand a chance against you, any more than the Nazis did.

Go get him, grandmother!

Admiringly,
Dennie Worth

4:14 PM  
Anonymous Aldo Kelrast said...

Beloved Mary,

I cannot tell how excited it makes me to know you have been planning to invite me into your home. I knew it would happen sooner or later from my fervent pursuit of you. Women all over the world are alike in their desire for flowers, flattery and attention. Some women try to suppress it and pretend they are not interested, but given enough time, a persistent man will not be denied. I also hope you enjoyed my love poem to you:

Tonight my pursuit
Of you finally bears fruit!

I thought about some alternative verses like:

This evening you will have known
Where I reap what I have sown.

Or:

All your flowers at the end of today
Are in the seeds I planted yesterday.

Or

You will invite me in tonight
Since I planted the seeds of love so right.

But those verses were not worthy of you, my Mary.

Persistently pursuing you,
Aldo Kelrast

4:39 PM  
Blogger Dr. Jeff Cory said...

I am so pleased that you have maintained your chastity in the face of Mr. Kelrast's indecent, persistent and vulgar suggestions. You are a model of virtue and honor for women at Charterstone and elsewhere. I am sure that your plan will be of life-transforming assistance to Mr. Kelrast, as your advice has helped so many other troubled people over the years.

Your plan is of great interest to both me and my dear friend, Mr. John Mark Karr, for we, too, created a plan a few weeks ago, while I was visiting Bangkok's Patpong district. (You'll find it a droll coincidence that the restaurant we dined at there was also called the Bum Boat, although the connotations of the name were perhaps different. But the food and entertainment may have been even more delightful!) Inspired by your shining example, I am very eager to help six year old girls (as you already know from my charitable hospital work in neighboring Cambodia), as is Mr. Karr. We only hope that our plan will be as successful as yours will no doubt turn out to be!

Jeff

5:25 PM  
Anonymous Victoria "Toby" Cameron said...

I am cut to the quick. I thought you were my best friend, and yet you speak of me in such unflattering terms.

You wrote: "She isn't quite as dumb as she looks."

I will have you know, Mary, that I am nowhere near as dumb as I look.

7:01 PM  
Anonymous mary worth said...

Dear Toby,

I am sorry. That's what I was trying to say--you are nowhere near as dumb as you look. I thought that was what I wrote. Please accept my apology.

I have a feeling that your plan will be just the thing. It started out vague and half-formed, but I believe it will turn out to be absolute genius.

I only hope that Aldo isn't too shocked by it all.

Yours, Mary Worth

10:49 PM  
Anonymous Aldo Kelrast said...

Beloved Mary,

You have thrown a party in my honor? I must admit this was not the kind of "conversation" I was expecting from you. At least when I looked around, I saw that I was the best-dressed person there, aside from you, of course, dearest Mary.

I remember my now dead wife threw me a surprise party too. She called it an "intervention", but she did invite all my friends. I say my friends, but they were mostly hers. Seeing all these people reminds me of that good time with my wife and her friends. It's too bad they're all dead now, but the memory is still happy, despite the tragic freak accidents which occurred afterwards.

Let's get this party started. I don't know if this group is up for Charages. Maybe Pin the Tail on the Donkey is more their speed.

Adoring your partying ways,
Aldo Kelrast

8:10 AM  
Anonymous Victoria "Toby" Cameron said...

Dear Mary,

I guess it was just a misunderstanding - no hard feelings. Perhaps I should don a pair of attitude glasses, in order to be taken more seriously. Alas - with my flowing locks, perky breasts, and lithe limbs, people just assume that I am a bit wanting in the intellect department.

But I'm glad that you went along with the idea to have an intervention for Aldo Kelrast. After we get his creepy, stalker ways corrected, I feel we should start to address his fashion sense. Those frumpy pullovers and that bowl haircut simply must go!

Perhaps we can turn him into a dashing fashion plate like my beloved Ian - he looks so manly in his open collar button-up shirt and nubby green jacket.

Hang on, Mary! I'm sure this intervention will be a godsend to both you and Aldo.

Fashionably yours, Toby

3:33 PM  
Blogger Dr. Jeff Cory said...

It is a good thing that Mr. and Mrs. Cameron were waiting in your apartment to intervene when you brought Mr. Kelrast in. When you brought me to your apartment, we were there all alone, and I proposed that we "do the nasty," as the young people say. Rather than offering to "talk," as you did with Mr. Kelrast, you simply hit me over the head with your special apple cake which, as you know, is like lead. Because of the resulting concussion, I was unable to perform surgery for the next month!

That experience made me realize that our relationship can only grow deeper by remaining pure and unblemished, and that my mission in life, like that of my close friend Mr. John Mark Karr, must be to love the little children in every possible way. I am so happy that I have had the opportunity to do this in Cambodia. (Contrary to Mrs. Cameron's insinuations in an earlier posting, there is no need to go to Thailand, since prices are much lower in Cambodia.)

If Mr. and Mrs. Cameron had intervened in our relationship, perhaps I would not have seen stars from being conked with your special apple cake, but those were my lucky stars, for they made me the man I am today!

7:50 PM  
Anonymous Victoria "Toby" Cameron said...

Dear Doctor Cory,

My beloved husband, Ian, has asked me to pass along this message to you. He says that, while the prices are lower in Cambodia, just remember that you get what you pay for.

I'm not sure exactly what he means, but I said I would tell you. I asked him to what prices he was referring, and he just smiled and said something about honey pots. Does this have something to do with Mary using honey instead of sugar in her apple cake? I am confused.

11:12 AM  

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